I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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