I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
