a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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