I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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