well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
