The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
