You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
