i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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