she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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