I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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