too bad you live with your parents still
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
