so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
