dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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