yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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