I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hippo gnu deer
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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