I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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