well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
