If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
