there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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