Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
