I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
