You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
