white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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