i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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