somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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