Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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