My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
