remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
