It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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