no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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