I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
