barbara walters just said penis...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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