Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
