I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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