Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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