i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
