Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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