new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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