What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
