im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize