Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
