my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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