guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
