Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
