Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
