Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
