Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
