I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
