eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
