Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the raccoons are back...
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