around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
