It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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