Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
