I think I am morally bankrupt
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
