can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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