man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
