She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
