im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
