OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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