I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
