I will die if light touches me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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