around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm bleeding and have questions
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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