if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
