What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think i peed on brittanys purse
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
