Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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