youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize