i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
