"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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