If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
