i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
